Is it me, am I the problem?

Sometimes I think life would be so much easier if I was a conformist. Well, it would be. I enjoy being strong and independent, and most importantly bold. Because of these attributes my personality has and continues to bite me in the ass.

Reminiscing on when I was a child, I realize I’ve always been this way. Strongly willed, and a force to be reckoned with. It’s definitely made my life harder but also a lot more fun. My mom whole-heartedly believed that she was going to mold me into the ideal little girl, quiet and polite. That was not happening.

This was even clear in the fashion choices I made as a little girl. I was the only person allowed to dress myself, even though I didn't even have the dexterity to do so. If I was not wearing a brightly colored dress, patterned leggings underneath that dress, and my crocs, I would throw an absolute fit. I still have strong opinions, but they’re not just about clothes anymore.

I tried so hard from the ages of 8 to 15 to be a conformist. Be quiet, don’t feel, or feel but don’t react. I wrestled with this for the longest time.

At the age of 16, I finally started embracing my loud and colorful personality. I started living authentically. I know it’s a cliche, but I was happier and more fulfilled with myself and where I was in my life when I stopped hiding behind a facade.

Often I reflect on questions like "Is it me, am I the problem? Do I make life harder for myself?"

I admit that I am the problem and I do make my life harder, but damn, has it made for some fun and interesting stories.